The End

There haven't been many updates lately, and I have decided I am taking a blog hiatus. The reasons I first began the blog so many years ago no longer apply. I started the blog to have a creative outlet, but now I spend a good portion of my day reading and writing so it has become a chore. Then I really relied on the blog to track weight loss, but I've now reached my fitness goals. the blog was a tool to get through the adoption process, but now that it's over the drama in my life is decidedly mundane--besides he leaves me little time to write. Finally, I used the blog as a tool for keeping people in the loop, but other social media has made it obsolete.
There will probably come another time when I will need to blog, but it's not now.
So long and thanks for all the fish.

Happy Birthday to Me!

I have been a horrible blogger lately. I blame the dissertation. And Leo. And Facebook. In any case, I haven't really been feeling it. I couldn't let a milestone pass, though. A far as birthdays go, this hasn't been the most exciting, but looking beyond the stress of everyday life, I realize that at 34 life is pretty good. Compared to life at 24 I have a husband and a son, a life plan, a little more money in my pocket, a flatter stomach, several half marathons under my belt, thousands more books read, more sunsets, more good wine, and more people to love. Most importantly despite the stress of grad school, the holidays, and raising a toddler, i am secure in who I am which I can't say for the 24 year old me. I know that I love and am loved in return. Really, who could ask for anything more?
Aging isn't so bad.

Tired

I have given up getting a good night's sleep for the month of November apparently. I go to sleep pretty easily but then I wake up in the night and am consumed by thoughts of the dissertation and other pesky worried. I am tired to the bone.
I had planned on getting a chapter to my adviser by Christmas but at this point I can't see that happening. Every time I read a book I realize how much more I have to go. I also need to get on some research trips but I'm not sure quite how to make it all happen.
I need a little break but can't afford to take one.

Falling

It's a little short lived this year, but I have every intention of enjoying all three days of fall at the close of the endless summer and before winter descends. I do so enjoy a nice light sweater.
Today I had the rare experience of actually getting everything on my list checked off. It might never happen again, but I'm going to enjoy the feeling. With such a daunting project I think it's important to find some little celebratory points. I am actually feeling like what I really need to do is become a hermit for awhile. I love my friends and family,but I also need several days of just me, the books, and my laptop. As I read about nuns, I actually envy those in the cloister who can actually concentrate on the tasks at hand. I have a hard time trying to write my dissertation with curious george in the background. Perhaps I'll be a nun in my next life.
This weekend promises to be overwhelming as well--I have two meetings to attend, two showers, chores, manuscripts to edit, and a half marathon to run. You know, no big deal.
I'm a little too frazzled to properly close this entry, so I'll just let it fade away.. .

Pass and the New Normal

I passed all exams last week, and I'm now officially A.B.D.It's funny, though. It was actually a little bit of a let down. I thought I would feel this unbelievable high, but it was more like "okay, now back to work." Still, I've spent the last few days busily researching and organizing for the dissertation, and I do love trying to piece this puzzle together. I don't know exactly what this finished project is going to look like, but I am going to try to enjoy the process.
For example, I came upon a startling piece of information. Apparently in the 1,700 page document prepared for the sanctification process at the Vatican, no mention is ever made of her work with the NAACP, lobbying, or voting. Instead, the entire focus is on the fact that they said she had a higher purpose than civil rights. I am fascinated that the church didn't try to claim her pioneering work. Anyway, I am finding that it is difficult to reemerge from the early 20th century. I think I'm going to like living there for the next couple years.

Almost

So today's the final push. I have orals at 11 and then hopefully I will be A.B.D. It's strange I haven't really celebrated passing writtens. Maybe it will seem more real this afternoon. Honestly, I've been so stressed out, and then with the news that a friend lost her son this weekend, it hasn't really seemed terribly important. Dealing with that tragedy has made these tests seem like not such a big deal after all. Every time I hug Leo I think about her never being able to hug Nick again. Unspeakably sad.
I do hope i will be able to celebrate, though, because I have never worked so hard for anything, and it would be a shame to not be able to acknowledge it.
I have, however, lost no time in starting work on my dissertation. I am really excited about being able to spend all my time writing and researching. Yes, I am a nerd.
Anyway, it's been an intensely stressful few weeks, and this is rambling and semi-incoherent. All I can hope is that life will normalize soon.

Lessons

Here are some hot tips:
If a toddler is throwing wooden bulldozers, duck.
Never read a really interesting article on the radicalism of the American Revolution when you have nair on your legs.
If you actually care about getting a special product, don't send your husband to the store.
Do order the Irish Mint fro-yo.
Never predict the end of the world if you're a religious leader, or if you do at least have a back up plan.


6 more days. Sigh.