Thursday Bleh
Today has been bleh. Still testing so teaching was disastrous. I feel weird at work now that I have decided to leave the job. I'm sure all of this is just silliness.

Toby is having some sort of allergy problem and has pulled out all the hair on his neck and scratched himself until he bleeds. It's not pretty. Poor baby.

Tomorrow will be happier. For now I will curl up with a book.

Coma
I am so tired, I'm thinking of sleeping for a few days. I've decided not to go to class tonight. I've been driving all day and really don't feel like it.
Anyway, the news: the Greenhill interview was amazing. I felt completely at home there, and I think they really liked me. I just felt as if I nailed the job. The interview today was interesting--they actually offered me the job on the spot. I had to tell them I was not able to make a decision until I hear from Greenhill. They were disappointed, but I think they understood. I now have to tell Greenhill that I must hear by April 11 if I want to have a job to fall back on at Christ the King. Anyway, the good news is taht no matter what I have a job for next year! Woo hoo! I'm just really hoping it is the Greenhill job.
Exciting. Scary.
Sleepy.

Oyster Shell
That's the color of the new carpet. Actually what I did was put Clementine on the carpet samples and chose the one closest to her fur color. It's all about the blending.
We've had a very long day filled with heavy lifting and crazy amounts of dust and dirt. The garage is still full of stuff that needs to be taken back into the house that we just don't feel like dealing with. I'm leaving it all in Eric's hands.
I leave tomorrow for my interviews in Dallas. It's safe to say I am terrified. It's not so much scared of teaching or talking to people, because I know I can do that. It's rahter more a matter of the fear of change and the unknown.
My lesson is based on Sandra Cisneros' House on Mango Street--I really hope 5/6th graders will be able to understand what I am looking for. That's the one part I am nervous about. I tend to be more upper grade. I also copied out a bunch of my teaching materials so the school can see what I have to offer. I am pretty proud of my materials. I am hoping no other canidates come with these portfolios.
I'm tired and want to go to bed, but I have a feeling sleep will be very difficult tonight.
Wish me luck.

Schedule
WE are giving Stanford Tests next week in th emornings, and the principal had refused to make adjusted schedules for the week, telling us to "wing it" instead. I thought that was the dumbest thing I had ever heard, so I made scheduless for everyone that actually worked well. I was kinda impressed. Can't be done, my butt.

Did the gym tonight--ran for about 70 minutes. Woo. I have lost 8 pounds on the diet so far--just 6 more to get to my goal. I think I can do that in a little over three weeks. No big.

Eric got a 66 cent an hour raise which will amount to about an extra $105 a month. It's not huge, but it will help us do some extra stuff with the house for the next few months until we are sure what and where our future is.

WE are discussing connotations of meaning and how different words convey meaning, so I told the kids all about Toby. They had to then write an advertisement trying to sell him--trying to make his good points sound attractive. They came up with such things as: "He has a unique aroma that can fill a room." "No need for an alarm clock when Toby's around" "Toby functions as an effective alarm system" "He loves to talk to his owners" "very attached." Anyone interested? Sounds good, no?

Poem Crazy
For some reason I could not get into Blogger yesterday. My computer is smoking crack increasingly more often. I think Windows 98 is on its last legs of usefulness. If I get the Greenhill job they will give me an interest free loan to get a lap top where payments would come out of my paycheck. Whoot!
I was actually getting ready for the Greenhill trip all day. Lucinda Carter called me, my old principal. Wild. Anyway I'm super jazzed because I talked to the teacher whose classes I will be teaching on Monday, and he is doing a poetry unit. It's probably the thing I do best. Whoot!
I have class tonight. (Is there an opposite of Whoot?) I am completely unclear if my paper was any good or not, but at least it's done. Not that there are points for punctuality, really. Now that I have decided to leave the program, it's increasingly difficult to give the class the attention it deserves. There is so much more I want to do. I might have to get toothpicks to hold my eyes open tonight. No, that's way too Clockwork Orange.

Where the Deer and the Antelope Play
Awesome trip. This ranch place was amazing. It was in the middle of nowhere between Wimberly and Blanco on a huge piece of hill country property. We had our own house complete with hot tub so we could soak under the stars.
We spent some time in Wimberly which is a pretty cool place. At lunch we ran into my own priest, Father Greg, who married us. Very strange. Then we found this incredible vineyard in the hills. You do the wine tasting in this little building on top of the hillside where you can look out and see for miles. So pretty. They had this huge deck hanging off the hillside. It reminded me of the movie Sideways. Actually when we walked into this place in the middle of nowhere we ran into my AP Spanish teacher and her husband. Very small world. Everyone loves the hill country in the spring time I guess.
I'm exhausted though, I had a 2 am freakout about Eric not getting a job. I want this for myself, but I want him to be happy more. I hope all works out. Heck, I don't even have the job yet.
I'm going to go curl back up on the couch and try to get Clem to forgive me for leaving her!

Stick a Pencil in Your Eye Scary
This is terrifying: You know that I can't handle vacation when I catch myself coming up to Toby and giving him a hug. Something is wrong with me!!!!
I'm also procrastinating. I have my name and the title on my paper. That's progress.

Meaningless
I have been embroiled in reading the endless selection from Karl Rahner that I have to write a paper on for next week. I have spent about 4 and a half hours and have only read about 65 pages and i have about 23 pages left to go. The stuff is so dense that when I read back over what I have just read I have no recollection of it. I have no idea how I am supposed to make a paer on this stuff. It is in translation from German which is doubly difficult although I have heard that his own brother joked that Rahner needed to be translated into German.
If a person with advanced degrees in English cannot understand what you are talking about, haven't you failed?
I had expected to be done with reading and already on the writing stage by now. Oh well at this rate it will take me several days to complete.
I am also injured. Eric and I were walking last night and he sent some sort of big thorned stick into my leg. It punctured at exactly the wrong place i guess because my calf is now swollen and puffy and I have trouble putting weight on the leg. How dumb is that? Injured by a frickin' stick. Just my luck I guess.
It's funny I longed for vacation, but on this my second day at home I already really want to be back at work. I miss the human contact. I know I can never ever ever stay home. I will drive myself completely batty. Perhaps I can work somewhere with year round school? As much as I hate some of the crap associated with it, I love teaching. I love working. There is nothing I'd rather do.
We're doing dinner tonight with Eric's parents to celebrate both Chris and me passing the silly ExCET Test. I applied for my certificate, and I will be royally pissed if Texas State finds more red tape to stop me. This needs to be over. No teacher left behind.
I guess I need to get back to the dense German metaphysics. It just seems that somethings questions of meaning should not be determined by indecipherable prose but rather by going outside and actually living, meaning, being.

Vronsky
Finally Anna has thrown herself underneath the train, Levin has discovered an awareness of God, and Vronsky has marched off to a ridiculous Serbian war. Most importantly I have finished the Russian soap opera and can move on. 69 points are coming my way. Actually I also partly re read the book because of references to it in the Lemony Snicket books. I feel there must be something wrong in that statement.

I shelled out $2000 for carpet. I hope this will help us sell the house because otherwise it just puts us two extra months in debt. Bleh. Clementine likes it, though. When the guy came by, she curled up on the carpet sample and refused to be moved from it.

I scrubbed floorboards, bleached showers and toilets, and did 4 loads of laundry. This truly does not feel like the first day of vacation. I can't even eat bon bons or drink boat drinks due to the carbs. Bleh.

Closet Archeology
In preparation for the new carpet, I made Eric actually open his closet of crap and clean it out. This closet has not been touched in 5 and a half years and is in fact simply stuff moved out of his closet at his apartment. It was quite the archeological dig. We found about 30 AC adapters, 25 printer cables, a Sega Genesis, a Play Station, a Nintendo, an Atari, 7 hard drives, bank records from 1981, 8 calculators, 1997 tax returns, 2 keyboards, a transponder, 27 boxes of old checkbooks, college grade reports, and about 5 rolls of film from a trip to Sea World. I merely scratch the surface. We have run out of room in the trash can and now simply have boxes of trash stacked all over the house. I blame his grandfather for this silly pack rat gene.
Anyway it is my first day of Spring Break--glorious toilet scrubbing, vacuuming, laundry doing, theology reading, Anna Karenina finishing Spring Break. Actually the fun will start later in the week when we meet my parents in Wimberly for a little get together. I am currently circling around the homework I have to do, but something seems wrong about working on the first day of vacation.

Free At Last
Whoot! Spring Break! YAY! A whole week to chill. Actually a week to do my homework, clean the house, get carpet installed and do chores. It's not all housework, though, the rents and Eric and I are going to a B and B in Wimberly that has lots of trails and a spiffy hot tub. Should be a most excellent time.
Apparently Greenhill is all a buzz with news of my interview. I am excited beyond all verbalization. I do not want to get my hopes up, but, well, my hopes are up. I always get carried away. Still even if the price of all my happiness now is heartbreak in a few weeks, it's worth it to feel so pumped up. I keep telling myself that.
Still now is not the time to dwell on possible future heartbreaks. I'm on vacation.

Tonight I throw my life on the line and ride carnival rides at the Fair and Rodeo. If I have to go I guess going on the Tilt-a-Whirl wouldn't be so bad.

I Need You to Need Me
I have an interview at Greenhill. They are paying for all my expenses to come up to Dallas and spend the day on campus. I will even have to teach a few classes so they can see me in action. I am so crazy excited. How crazy would it be to return there? The more I think about it, the more right it seems. I also called Christ the King and got them to move up my interview to the next day so I can get the process over with as soon as possible.
I love getting these calls, feeling good enough. Could I be almost done paying these stupid dues?

I Want You to Want Me
Got an email from Tom Perryman today. (Assistant Head of Greenhill) He saw my resume and was really excited. He sent me a note to tell me he gave my application straight to the search committee! Whoot! It's so nice to feel like popel want me, like there is a real future.
Our principal resigned yesterday, so school has a weird vibe. For the most part people are happy he's leaving but scared at what will happen next. I am glad that I will most likely be leaving. I need no drama.
I"ts a nice day, and I'm going to throw on some shorts and hop on my bike. I need to fly today.
P. S. Won't Anna hurry up and throw herself under the train?

Under the Sea
I spent my class swimming in my own head. My eyes threatened mutiny, and it was the best I could do to pull the occassional thought out of the air.
Thank goodness for Spring Break.

After Midnight. . .
Last night I got up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom and had quite a scare. I never turn on the lights mainly because I know where everything is. Anyway, when I reached the toilet and started to sit down I felt something furry on me. I screamed bloody murder and ran for the light. Clementine was drinking from the toilet. I think my heart skipped several beats.
I also came home to her tossing a huge lizzard up in the air and catching it in her fangs. So begins hunting season.

Axe
A student sprayed Axe Body Spray on me today, and I stink so much that I have given myself a headache. I am so unamused.
Seriously awful stuff.
Then we had play practice and they shoved me in the back cornor and then had the whole school squeeze by me. I had a serious claustrophobic freak out. Bleh. I want to hibernate, at least until my head stops swimming.

But in cute news, I saw these rocking cats this morning on CNN. J--you need to go see them in person! Where else will you see a cat do a handstand? Or push a poodle in a stroller? It's a must see event!!!!

Every Blog Should Be Educational
Here is my nugget of wisdom for today: installing a kitchen sink and faucets is much more complicated and agony inducing than it would appear. Eric has been battling with it all morning. He is now on his way to Lowes again. No rest for the birthday boy I guess. Here's another lesson, no matter how exhaustive you think your first trip to the hardware store is, you definately forgot at least one very important component. There is no getting around this law.
Eric's party last night was fun. Good friends, good food and a relatively quiet bar make for a good night. I gave him the ring this morning, and he loved it. He said it completed him. Sweetest boy ever.
This afternoon is a baby shower. Luther Zev Craig is coming in about 7 weeks so there will be cake, silly games, and ovary cramping cuteness. Why are little socks so cute?
I'm feeling I need some glammor, like I need to get dressed up and sip a martini in some fancy hotel. And I don't even like martinis. Perhaps its just the upcoming Oscars vibe or something. Usually I drink champagne and eat snooty desserts while watching, but this year I"m just not feeling it.

Bright Red Happiness
I'm sure it's true that money can't buy happiness, but a $30 manicure/pedicure gets you pretty damn close. I feel all pampered and happy. Went shopping this morning followed by the mani-pedi, and I'm in girl heaven!
E's birthday party is tonight, so we shall all gather to revel in his oldness!I bought him a replacement wedding ring because he's been feeling really bad without his. I also got his bracelet engraved. Anyway he'll appreciate it.
I should be doing my school work, but I"m feeling more like finishing Anna. 300 more pages and I now really don't understand what he has left to say. From what I remember of the plot there's not much more. Stupid competitive streak.

Why another 400 pages?
As I have come to page 360 in Anna Karenina, I am tortured by the question, how could there possibly be another 400 pages of this stuff? A smarter person would put the book down, content with having read it once, but I have never been taht sort of person. I am reading the book to compete with my students, and that sick competitive streak will make me force my way through each and every one of those 400 pages. And I"ll enjoy it, damn it!
I have excellent news: I have a job interview at Christ the King School in Dallas. The principal seems awesome, and I am really thinking this will happen for me. She is willing to wait until APril to interivew me. I remain hopeful. The cool thing is that she called me the first day she could possibly have received the resume. I have received more calls from Dallas in one day than in Austin in many months. Eric is also looking. Hope, hope, hope.
I feel called to make a change. I hope this will be a productive one.

I also finished the yearbook today. I cursed it and sent it off to Kansas City. I will never do one again. At least until asked politely.