Here is one of the only pics I can post of last weekend. It was a moment of tremendous freedom as I left from the second story of the boat. There is nothing like flying.

Jumbo romance | Special reports | Guardian Unlimited

Jumbo romance | Special reports | Guardian Unlimited
Yay! Happy elephant love! (Well actually I just read the gestation entry in the dictionary and found out that elephants are pregnant for a couple of years, so maybe it's not so happy after all)
I am stupidly tired but pretty content to be back on my feet.

Complex
My assistant principal just called to check up on me. I hate feeling like the weak one. I missed an important school function, one that I helped to plan. I am also so behind on getting my classes going. I feel like the school's weak link. Also everyone is talking about me. It's giving me a complex.

Living the Scientific Life (Scientist, Interrupted): Wild Vervet Monkeys Wreak Havoc in Kenya

Living the Scientific Life (Scientist, Interrupted): Wild Vervet Monkeys Wreak Havoc in Kenya Silly Monkeys

Feeling Like a Criminal
So here I am sitting on the couch when I should be wrapping up 1st period. This is ridiculous. I think I would feel better if everyone just left me alone and let me get back to doing what I love best.
I do feel a little better today--the cramping is gone and I'm left with just a big headache and general fuzziness. Eric made me eat spinach last night in case it is anemia like the docs think. My assistant principal threatened to feed me a huge steak which is such a disturbing image.
I have this overwhelming guilt for missing these two days of work. I need to be there bonding with my students and establishing classroom routine. Hopefully parents will not start complaining because I'm never there. People keep telling me to let it go, but I take this obligation very seriously. I carefully planned everything and this little awol is messing with my syllabus.
This is the August of my discontent.

Long Way Down
I was kicked out of work today after fainting during homeroom. I have no idea what happened. I woke up feeling like something wasn't quite right, but I was just trying to get through the day. All of a sudden I started sweating and my vision began going. I sat down for a minute, but then it was time for prayer. I stood up and realized it was a very bad idea. Luckily I managed to get to my knees before keeling over. All of this was of course done in front of 24 8th graders. Lots of fun. I have been told not to return until Wednesday which has me even more upset than the fainting. I just want to do my job. I have a doctor's appointment this afternoon perhaps I can get them to get my principal to let me go back tomorrow.
I feel embarrassed and ridiculous.
On a side note the weekend was a lot of fun--I think we had a very happy bride.

Cost Analysis
Here's some food for thought.

First Day of the Rest of the Days
After months of waiting, I got my wish and the long awaited first day of school finally came. We only had a half day with students, and I am mentally and physically exhausted but happy. I think a deep part of me comes alive when I am in the classroom working with students. Not to say that the day was cupcakes and lollypops or that there were not a few students trying their best to push my buttons, but I loved the renewed purpose. I am confident that this year will be a joy. I am equally positive that I really need a nap!
My goal for the year is to be more positive, to refuse to give into the bitching and negativity that can sometimes occupy the faculty lounge.
I was a bit of a basketcase, yesterday, though. I have tremendous back to school jitters. I can't sleep, I have to try on 7 different outfits, and I generally drive my husband crazy. Luckily I had book club last night which kept my mind busy for awhile. Thank goodness for intellectual stimulation. Still I had several nightmares about students not listening to me last night. I woke up in a cold sweat after dreaming I was pulled away from my classroom by a giant train.
I was going to get back in the pool today, but one of my incisions is oozing a little, so I might hold off. I tried the gym yesterday, but that was a mistake, and I left after only 30 minutes on the elliptical. My mind really wants to move, and my body is stubbornly refusing to heal as quickly as I think it should. I get so frustratd with myself. I just refuse to gain this weight back.
Maybe I'll go for a walk.

Dog Day Afternoons
In celebration of a young daushaund's birthday, we took Toby to hang at Lee Harvey's this afternoon. There is not much finer in life than sitting in a yard with friends, food, and a ncie breeze--even if Toby was there.
I am feeling much more like a human being and am almost back to normal. The incisions still hurt a little bit, but all things considered, I'm doing fantastically well. I am even hoping to get back to the gym this week, even if it's just to walk on the treadmill for a few minutes. I need to feel active again. I still get really easily tired, however.
I went back to work on Thursday to appease the principal which was a bad idea. I was miserable and on too many painkillers, but by Friday I was able to function reasonably well. It was good to be back at work. I know I've said it before, but I am so much happier when I have a purpose to life. I need to feel needed and useful.
I have jitters about the school year starting, as I always do, but I cannot wait to get back inot it. It is what I was put on this earth to do, and every day I am not in the classroom is a day that I am not living to my full potential. I feel a little lame admitting that--I mean my family and relationships are satisfying, but I truly feel like I was called to teach. It's hard not living your calling once you figure out what it is. We need year long school!
Of course I might take all of this back once school's been in session for a few weeks.
I feel alive this time of year.

Here
I can't write much while on these lovely pain pills, but I just wanted to post that I am doing pretty well. The surgery was a success, and I'm feeling tired and sore but good all things considered. Now I'm going back to sleep.

Tylenol Hangover
I had to take a couple of Tylenol P.M. last night because I cannot have Advil before tomorrow, but today I feel completely out of it. I slept until 8 which is unheard of, and I have a hard time clearing the fuzz from my head. Today is the last lazy day I am going to have for several months, so I am going to try to enjoy it. I know myself, though, so I pretty sure I might go a little out of my mind.
I'm watching Generation Renovation which inspires me. I would really like to find an unloved place and turn it into something special. I would love to buy an old store or factory and make it a home. The problem is the amount of capital it takes to do the renovations. You have to get a special kind of loan for that and banks make it a little difficult. Perhaps it can be a retirement project or something. I guess until then I'll stick to redoing this house.
But before I embark on any room demo Magnum just came on and I need to get the cotton out of my brain.

Falling Star
I am treating this weekend like the calm before the storm. The upcoming weeks are promising to be hectic with us out of town more weekends than not plus my surgery and the start of school. Accordingly I am determined to put myself in a good place over the next few days. Yesterday we saw Stardust which is based on a Neil Gaiman graphic novel. Actually it is one of the few things of his I never read. I did thoroughly enjoy the movie. It reminded me a lot of Princess Bride. Robert DeNiro as a crazy gay sky pirate was a revelation. I actually snorted with laughter and I wasn't even embarrased!
Last night we went to a friend's pool party, and I felt myself melting away. A night of incredible conversation was just what I needed to get my mind ready for school. We had a fascinating and disturbing converstaion about the end of civilization. How would citified people deal when all of the technology goes? When we have to come up with our own food sources? When everything we know changes? I'd like to think I'd be somewhat ok--I know how to camp, how to start firest, how to cook and even how to grow things. Most importantly I am pretty good with talking to people and organizing them. What I can't do is build stuff. Eric raised a frightening point, though. Due to his diabetes if the supply of insulin were no longer replenished he would be screwed unless he found a way to harvest it. It's scary how his whole life revolves around technology, but amazing because if he were living a century ago he would have died as a child. Even in the last few years treatment has revolutionized how he is able to live.
I also enjoyed last night because for the first time ever I felt confident in a bathing suit. Again, a small victory.

Should I Stay or Should I Go?
I'm having a Clash-like dilemna. I can't decide whether I should go into school today or not. I really don't have anything to do since I've been amazingly productive over the last four days, but I feel like I need to prove a point to the principal by being there. Yes. Ridiculously silly and childish, but there it is. I want to be the absolute most prepared teacher on her staff just to needle her. Of course she probably won't notice, but I would notice. Really now it's an ecological problem. Do I waste all the gas to get over there and back for no good reason? The counter point to this is the fact that I know I will be bored around the house. As I was swimming laps this morning I was racking my brains trying to figure out something I need to do at school, and I really couldn't come up with anything. This is so childish.
The lovely Miss E. came over last night to help plan Jen's bach. party and in the process we had yummy Thai food. I'm looking forward to the party but I hope I'm feeling well enough to really enjoy it.
I must admit I'm feeling nervous about the surgery. I try to pass it off like it's no big deal (and realistically it's not), but I'm still scared. I'm less freaked out about the physical consequences, I know anesthesia is safe and the procedure is not a major one. What I am nervous about is what they are going to find when they get inside my body. If it's a complete mess it will confirm the fact that I will never have children of my own. Intellectually I'm cool with that. The deepest part of me, however, might break a little. Enough. I don't really want to think about it.
Maybe I will go into work--less time for brooding.

Status Change
In celebration of losing my 100th pound I finally changed my Myspace profile to say Boday Type: Slim/Slender. It's a small but important victory.

New Haircut Goodness

Better
After a long talk with my assistant principal, I realized that I need to take care of myself and let my career rest on the fact that I am a good teacher. I know this whether she has her panties in a twist or not.
The othe part of my good mood is that fact that I spent the day working in my classroom which is what enjoy above almost everything else. I wrote a lot of new curriculum for the upcoming year and got myself organized. I am so excited to get back to teaching--even if it has to be a little wonky at the start this year.
I also got a back to school hair cut--I am the proud owner of bangs and chunky layers. I'll post a pic soon. It looks much more modern and up to date. Plus she promised me I just need to tossle it and run out of the door.
I have a thing about reinventing myself each autumn. There's always a hint of possibility at the beginning of a new school year.

Awkward Situation
Apparently the fact that I am having surgery is a huge problem and inconvience for my principal. I should have, according to her, consulted her first and gotten her blessing before agreeing to have the procedure done. Silly me, as the doctor discovered that my uterus is being filled by benign tumors and frozen in place by scar tissue, she forgot to contact my boss to make sure it is ok.
Apparently other people might be upset that I am not going to the first day of inservice. Apparently being knocked out and cut open would be preferable to them.
Silly me I forgot that having a disease that causes me to be miserable for 1/3 of every month, to pass our and vomit with pain, to swallow pain pills like candy really puts my principal out. Who knew?
What's really interesting is that last year she missed the first 4 weeks of school due to health concerns. You'd think she'd be a little more understanding of my situation. I did not ask for this. I did not control the surgery schedule. I really did not want a disease that makes me feel like less of a human being. But it's all my fault.
Does the sitaution suck? Yes.
Do I wish I could have gotten an earlier or later date? Yes.
Can I do anything about it? No.
I just want to scream the more I think about it.
Then I went to talk to my husband who is supposed to be on my side, and he asked if I was going to cancel the surgery! I want to throw things and stomp around. Perhaps Toby?

In positive news, I built a giant paper tree sculpture in my classroom today which will serve as the tree of knowledge. Every time we learn a new concept, we will add fruit to our tree. I thought about cutting out a bunch of nuts too and putting them on the tree when someone acts like an idiot. I think it's a genius plan.

I had to post that pic because it makes me happy.
I am not feeling eloquent tonight and would rather sit on my booty watching Iron Chef America, but I wanted to take a moment to remember rabbit riding. Ah, the good life.

Being back home has a certain sense of surreality, but the best part has got to be drinking my own coffee. Hotel and gas station coffee is basically just brown water. I thank my father for my intolerance of weak coffee. I actually made it extra strong this morning as an antidote to the past few weeks. Actually, that's not entirely true--I had a great cup of coffee in Silver City, NM from a guy who called himself a certified caffineologist!
How to begin to describe the trip. . . it was like nothing I've done before. Typically we are travelocity fiends who plan out each step of the trip, make reservations, stay at the nicest hotels we can afford and have agendas. This was not that sort of trip. We had only the vaguest destinations, mainly out stops were prompted by billboards or historical markers. We made it a point to hike every day, and I've never felt so connected to the world around me. This was not a vacation. It was an adventure.
Day 1: We stopped in historic Gainesville at the Texas/OK border, and we discovered a wonderful bookstore in downtown as well as some incredible old architecture. Then we had an unexpected 3 hour lunch at Turner Falls. The coolness of the falls was like a little miracle, although Eric destroyed his hat on the giant waterslide! We then made it to OKC which I really enjoyed. They've done an incredible job of revitalizing the downtown. THe museum of art has the largest Chilluily collection in the world, and I was blown away. There is something about the play of light through his glass that touches me. We also hung a little in the Brickyard. Then it was on to Route 66. It's almost like a different world--you see things that you never see when stuck on the freeway. I might never travel the interstate system again. We passed through a lot of ghost towns and dying places. We stayed the first night in Weatherford at the worst motel ever! The Scottish Inn was stained, nasty, and bug infested! Still the bonus was Jerry's Diner which had the best pancakes!
Day 2: Weatherford provided a big surprise, the Tom Stafford Space Museum. Tucked into the tiny Weatherford Airport, the museum was a gem. Stafford grew up in the town and donated most of his space collection to his hometown. They also have Triton rockets, bombers, and replicas of the Kitty Hawk and Spirit of St. Louis. I thought we would spend 45 minutes, but we were there almost 2 hours. We also met a cool lady on the same Route 66 trip. In fact, we met a lot of fascinating people--there's something about this trip that lends itself to community and sharing. Anyway, we moved on to Clinton, OK which has a wonderful Route 66 Museum and then on to Elk City which has an entire museum park. It was a gem--there were actually 4 museums in a lovely park. They recreated an entire town circa 1880. We also witnessed a wedding in the town square! We then drove through the rather disappointing Texas section of Route 66. The treat was our picnic in a ghost town! I don't know if I can describe the spaces of absolute quiet we discovered. That night we came to Palo Duro Canyon which might be my favorite stop. We camped in the canyon and attended a star gazing party in the canyon, then we drank a bottle of wine and ate marshmallows we roasted with a lighter!
Day 3: We hiked out to the Lighthouse formation at Palo Duro Canyon which blew my mind. We got up early, so we had the entire place to ourselves. Despite some truly evil bugs chasing us down the trail, the hike was perfection. When we reached the top I felt invincible. We also saw the Caddilac Ranch in Amarillo which is quite a sight, then we left Texas behind and entered the Land of Enchantment. Tucamari is the land of crazy motels and neon attractions. We also hit a car museum and the Blue Hole in Santa Rosa--a swimming spring that stays 54 degrees year round! We ended up in Santa Fe and hung out in the Plaza people watching and eating yummy Mexican food. We stayed at the coolest little hotel where we again got to meet all kinds of interesting people.
Day 4: Art Day! We spent the entire morning and early afternoon on Canyon Road touring the galleries and promising to invest in art when we make our millions. I love seeing the creativity of the world. Every few minutes we were stopped dead in our tracks by the beauty before us. We then picked up more picnic supplies at Whole Foods and moved into the mountains. We went to the Shidoni Foundry where they make bronze sculptures. They have a 10 acre sculpture garden that people can wander. Attached was a glass blowing studio, and we got to talk to the blowers while they were working on wine glasses. Then we went to Chimayo which is a pilgrimage sight. The mud from the floors in the church is said to have cured many people. It is set in the middle of the mountains and is a jewel. The faith of the people there was inspiring. Millie proved her mettle by successfully negotiating 3 washed out roads. We ended up at the outlook park in White Rock, and then spent the night in Los Alamos. I completely fell in love with the town and begged Eric to look into working at the national lab!

Days 5 through 12 to follow!

Wow
I'm sweaty, dirty and exhausted, but I just wanted to do a quick post of thanksgiving for the amazing trip we had.
Every day seemed to surpass the previous one.
I will have a full travelogue and pictures later.
It is good to be home--even if I don't have any food or clean clothes!